December 2011
“Our worst fears lie in anticipation.”
– Don Draper (Mad Men S3E05)
It always happens
when you finally think it is over.
Where you are right now is dark, dingy, musty, and filled with a fog of misery. You go from screaming and crying, to eventually hiding in a corner, waiting, prepared. But no, it doesn’t come right now. What fun would it be to happen right now when you are still prepared?
Slowly, you start to look outside the dark, to see a dim light that is far away....
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Get over yourself.
I keep telling myself that.
Take control and stop flailing about in that pool of misery.
Everything takes effort right now. Not physical effort, which you can master with willpower, but mental effort. It’s like trying to run in a dream. You want your legs to do it. Run, come on, move. But it’s like you’re in water and your legs just cannot move fast enough.
I am trying my...
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“People tell you who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we...”
– Don Draper
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If you're walking through hell,
keep walking.
#1: Don’t drag innocent people into this hell with you. The hell is your own, walk through it yourself.
#2: Don’t give in to that wallowing self-pitying voice in your head. Don’t let a single tear fall. Because once you open the flood gates, there will be no end.
What makes it worthwhile?
Life, I mean. What’s the point in it? There is so much pain, and people keep telling you, hang in there, it will get better, the worst is almost over. And then what? You rise up only to fall again another day.
There should be a game over button. We should all have a say in whether we want in on this game or not. I don’t think I care for the rewards, if there is even any. I just want...
“We’re not related by blood and you love me.”
– Trudy Campbell (Mad Men S2E10)
I am alone.
In this dark place, I am absolutely alone. Locked up, with no way out, all on my own.
Go away.
Please. Just leave me alone, thoughts. I can’t stand thinking like this.
I need to scream. I need to cry. I need to yell. I need to do something to keep my thoughts at bay. I need to stop them from engulfing me.
I am trying so hard to hold myself together. I am trying. So hard. But I don’t know what to do anymore. They intrude on everything I do. I can’t do anything. I can only sit and stare...
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My thoughts,
they are driving me mad.
Rock bottom.
I fell right back to the place of fitful sleeps, not eating and never hungry, staring into space, constant nausea, and entertaining thoughts of death as I force myself to breathe steadily.
I have to piece myself back together for the people who love me, like I did before. But now I keep thinking to myself, any repair is merely temporary. Any climb I make upwards is only temporary. That monster...
It's not that difficult to love.
zaedilux:
And I find myself compelled to agree.
Love isn’t as complicated as we make it out to be. It’s the most simple, most elemental, most pure, most beautiful feeling, emotion, thingamajig, whatever you want to call it that beats in our hearts.
Unfortunately, it’s also the most intangible sentiment. We can’t quantify it. Your ‘I love you so much’ could be so much less than my ‘I love you...
Hello there monster,
its been a while.
I have been melodramatic.
Life is good. I have good things and good people. I see that now. I was in the lift, somewhere. The Gambler by fun. was playing on my ipod, and I was thinking, there’s something oddly poetic about these 3 kids eating ice cream cones happily right in front of me. Then I thought, actually everything seems poetic with The Gambler playing in the background. And I stepped out of that lift,...
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“Despite your best efforts, people are going to be hurt when it’s time for them...”
– Haruki Murakami
Everything is a phase.
It might last a week. It might end in a few months. It might take 2 years to change. Or maybe it might last as long as 10 years.
It doesn’t matter how long it lasts. At the end, I will always think, “So I was just a phase.” Simply because it ended.
How come I never realised this before? How long is a phase, really? When does a phase cross over to something… more meaningful?
You can’t promise...
“A healthy relationship keeps the doors and windows wide open. Plenty of air is...”
– (via raindropsonredroses)
没有的时候，你会觉得没有也没关系。但有了之后，你会突然领悟到你根本不能没有。
没有的时候，我到底是怎么过日子的？我好像已经渐渐忘记了。
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Half an hour ago,
I was singing All I want for Christmas along with Mariah Carey as I happily took out my pretty swiss roll from the oven. I danced while I took it out of the pan and rolled it up.
Now, I’m sitting at my dining table, mourning over my broken swiss roll. The table is strewn with icing sugar, towels, and peppermint cream cheese frosting. The kitchen sink is stacked with dirty dishes....
